It takes England to a 3-0 series win with one to play and it may just be my natural bias but I did detect some good signs in the gloom for Australia. Or am I just living in denial?
Ian Bell has been the difference between the teams with three centuries and although they weren’t massive knocks they secured England that particular Test each time they were scored. The worst part is that he actually looks like quite a nice guy. I would rather he bewitch us with a wicked demeanour such as that carried by Chris Broad which would enable us to hate him and live for the day when that smarmy smile would be knocked off that pasty Pommy face by an Australian series win. Unfortunately I quite like him. More’s the pity.
So where to now for Aussie cricket? Surely the state of the game in this nation cannot be allowed to stand as poorly as it currently does. While our fast bowling stocks are generally good, our batting is appalling and there is no light on the hill or cavalry column coming to save the day or give us a glimmer of hope that the dark days are merely caused by unseasonable overcast spell rather than a long term period of bad fortune caused by an interminable arctic night. The game has been poorly served by it’s administrators.
To Australians such as myself who believe cricket dominance is our birthright, mediocrity has been a hard pill to swallow. Tough as nails Aussie cricketers routinely pummelling England has been part and parcel of our sporting lives since we were old enough to follow the game. Who hasn’t laughed as English “pie chuckers” were dispatched to the fence once more and the likes of the Waugh brothers, Warney, Boony, Border, Martyn, Hayden, Langer and Gilchrist manfully provided sustenance to the myth of Australian sporting superiority.
The current state of Australian cricket is causing us to be a laughing stock around the world. It’s a national emergency. No Australian should forced to walk through Trafalgar Square or through Hyde Park and be subject to the glib and demeaning remarks of the English deriding us for yet another batting collapse and series loss. Years of failure have made the Poms an unsympathetic lot. They have turned into sporting sociopaths. No empathy. No pity. They are enjoying grinding us into the dirt. We have sown this field and we are reaping the wild wind.
I am declaring a national emergency. At this time of national decision in the form of an election campaign I am calling upon the major parties to make the return of the Ashes a priority and a “core promise”. National pride demands it. Money for roads, hospitals, education and other important infrastructure should be abandoned and re-routed into the development of Australian cricket. Soccer should be banned and every child given a cricket bat upon attaining their fifth year. Two hours batting and bowling practice after school during the summer should be compulsory. Inspectors should be employed to ensure that kids are practising when on school holidays. A virtual army of cricketers should be built with plenty of reinforcement available for the national team if needed when poor form or injury make changes necessary. Australian football and Rugby League can still be played during the winter but must not intrude on the summer game and cricket grounds should be available to various state and national teams as required to the detriment of other sports. Refugee camps on Mannus Island and Nauru should be scoured for any possible talent that may be obvious and those selected fast tracked through the citizenship program. This is serious. This is war and every resource our nation possesses should be targeted towards a common goal. The return of the Ashes to it’s rightful owners.
Of course I realise some may think this is an overreaction, a knee jerk response to defeat in a sporting contest that really doesn’t matter that much. But this is the Ashes. Every Australian who ventures to the United Kingdom from now until the Ashes are returned are in mortal danger of being insulted and degraded by the English. Who wants to let them feel a sense of superiority for too long? No, this is for the protection of Australian citizens abroad. We should be the hunters not the hunted.
And so at this time of national disaster I commit, through this blog, to help us find a way back. To climb the mountain yet again and plant the flag of the boxing kangaroo upon the summit. To reassert our natural cricket dominance over the English for it is our right and destiny.
I will be writing to the Prime Minister, Mr Rudd and the opposition leader, Mr Abbott to ask for their policy position on the state of Australian cricket. A government of national unity in the face of such a disaster is probably asking too much but I will be expecting real ideas and real policy in regard to the advance of Australian cricket and the return of the Ashes. The “Suffering of the Devoted”cannot be allowed to continue. Onwards and upwards is the only way.
Let us hope that sometime in the future a blog post on this site can be written in a more joyous tone when news from across the ocean from those green fields of England relay the wondrous news that Australian cricket is once again on top of the world and the natural order has been restored. Until then we can only live in hope.
Have a nice day.
Strange Notations From a Laborious Life 