I had a moment this morning. I was out and about last night. Living. Enjoying my life. I woke up with the sun streaming through the window. A little later than normal. I was gazing at the far hills bathed in early morning light and she came back to me all at once. Linda. Her clothes still hang in her cupboard. Her jewellery still gleams in the sunshine. All of a sudden, she was here again. But she wasn’t.
And it started. All at once. The tears. The sadness. The longing for her to be here, to go back to what we were, what we had. I stood in the hallway and could almost see her rising from our bed. She passed me and a breath touched my face and in an instant, she was gone again. Our life together. She’s moving on. Forever.
I guess I feel guilty, sitting here on this autumn morning and death prevents her from being here enjoying it with me. I’m moving forward one step at a time. I’ve been laughing. And she’s not here to see it and feel it and enjoy it.
It is not worth thinking about it too much. It just upsets.
And now it’s passed and she’s gone again but I know she will be back. But it will take her longer to come around again. And that’s what I hate.
Sail on Linda, forever.
Strange Notations From a Laborious Life 