A memory dropped on Facebook today. It was from four years ago when Linda and I took our last road trip before she was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer.
Anyone who knows me well will be aware I am partial to listening to or reading about Elvis Presley. Four years ago, Bendigo City Council managed to secure a deal with Graceland, to bring an exhibition to their town hall which featured thousands of items pertaining to the life of the King of Rock and Roll. Of course, I couldn’t let this sort of thing go by without attending and Linda, not because she was excited by seeing paraphernalia once owned by Elvis Presley, but because she enjoyed the journey of life and travelling with me came along for the ride.
We left for Wangaratta where we based ourselves for the weekend on this day in 2022. We booked an Airbnb house and did the day trip to Bendigo and back. The exhibition itself was tremendous. Concert jumpsuits, army uniforms, clothes including the iconic white suit worn in the “Comeback 68” special and the blue suit he wore when Ann Margaret pushed him into the pool in “Viva Las Vegas”, amongst a thousand other items, big and small. The letterbox from the house where he grew up. Books he had on his side table in his bedroom when he died. Cars he drove in movies. Gold records of course. Who thinks to preserve this stuff? It was very impressive. Especially for a fan like me but I think Linda enjoyed it too.
It was the first time that I really started to worry about her though. She had been suffering with pain in her back for quite a while. I can remember stopping in a little town, only a squeak on the map near Bendigo and watching her crossing the road to go to a public toilet and noting the difficulty she experienced doing so. I remember parking a little way from the exhibition and the way she held onto my arm as we navigated our way to the town hall. A little seed of doubt and fear started to bleed into my mind. She may not be ok!
Of course, life goes on but she didn’t get better. Her regular doctor was away and the fill in was terrible. Gave her drugs which made her sick and of course didn’t do anything for her. You look for the best solution. The palatable option. A slipped disk. Some sort of dislocation. But a blanket of fear starts to gather over you. We knew what else it could be, but we didn’t want to say.
We made plans. Updated our wills. Decided to retire early and live our lives full of fun and leisure. Agreed we would go back to Europe in 2024 and do a river cruise on the Rhine. Then the darkness descended.
It was a routine check-up with the oncologist. I can’t remember now how often she had a review after beating breast cancer in 2015. Once a year. Twice a year? Two weeks after we made our wills and our plans for the future. A review that let it all turn to dust. It didn’t take much for the alarm bells to ring for the oncologist. A scan proved our worst fears and life was never the same again.
And the rest is history.
In many ways we lived our best lives in the following years. Linda responded well. She let the cares of the world drift away and we had a lot of happy times. But her illness hung over us like a guillotine waiting to drop. But we did our best.
It’s four months tomorrow since she left for the great beyond. Four months. It seems like yesterday but also like a long time ago. I don’t really believe in an afterlife, but I hope I am wrong. I hope she is somewhere watching over me, laughing at me with that loud hefty laugh and hysterical voice she got when she was excited and having fun.
Four months.
I think the shock is wearing off and the finality is settling in. But we go on. Life is a blank canvas from here and she wanted me to paint it with happiness. I miss her. But I will do my best.
Take care.
Strange Notations From a Laborious Life 