I’ve had a busy day. Aidan stayed last night and he got up this morning not long after I did. He is always a pleasure to have here, well behaved and polite but he likes to make sure I am kept busy with Uno and making him “coffee”.
I dropped him home earlier than usual. Friends bought me brunch at one of the nicer cafes in town. Always a pleasure to be in their company. They look out for me, and they will never really know how appreciative I am. Linda was very close to them.
I ducked home. Did a few things. Went to the shop to partake of my usual Saturday duties; buying flowers for Linda. It has become a regular Saturday outing, my trip to Queanbeyan Lawn Cemetery. The time will come when I don’t go as often. Life will take over again and I will get there only on special occasions and in passing. But, for the moment it is a vigil I enjoy keeping up. I see so many graves out there that obviously have no regular visitors. A newly interred person is next to Linda. Lovely bouquets have been left, and no one has returned to remove them. They are dead, the once bright colours as faded as the life they honour. It’s a shame.
I did think of removing them but it’s not my place. It’s an older woman and I guess someone will visit again and clean it up. That won’t happen to Linda, I can assure you.
I keep up her favourite sunflowers and bought lilies today as well. A fairy statue my sister bought for her one birthday now adorns her grave, I thought it was appropriate it stays with her.
I bought the extra flowers today because it is a special day. Linda’s youngest daughter, Megan turns 30, a milestone in anyone’s life. She is living it up in New Zealand at the moment and no doubt enjoying herself as her mother would want her to. But I placed the extra flowers because I know how invested Linda would be in Megan’s day. How proud she would be. Just worth honouring her just that little bit more on a day like this.
Happy birthday Meggzie.
Then it was off to visit my parents to talk a bit of cycling to the old man. It’s about the only interest he really has. Showed him some highlights of the racing from France last night. He and Mum have been sick with Covid so they are a bit of a worry.
And then home.
I am okay here by myself. I am used to it now. If I count the time Linda was in Clare Holland House, then it is about five months that I have been “home alone.” I’m not lonely or depressed for the most part.
I answered a few friends on Messenger. Sent a few messages. Walked down the darkened hallway. Then it hit me.
The void.
Like a bolt out of the blue Linda’s absence hit me. It’s an ache. A realisation that she won’t be back. Doubt about who I am now. Worry about what is ahead.
The void.
I went out on the back deck and sat down. Tears were shed. The wind blew but it wasn’t as cold as it might have been. And just like that, it was gone again and I am okay.
I am back inside. I am hungry and thinking about what I am going to have for dinner. Life, after hitting that little pothole, is rolling again. Only those who have been through it can understand it, I guess. It won’t be the last time it happens unfortunately.
The weekend moves on. I hope it has been as nice for you as it has for me (for the most part!)
May it continue.
Strange Notations From a Laborious Life 