Strange Notations From a Laborious Life

It’s been quite a good day. The weather recently has been poor, not spectacularly cold but wet and dreary. It was nice to get some warm winter sun on my face today. I felt okay, the weight of the world which sometimes seems to drag me down was absent.

I caught up with a friend this morning which was very pleasant then walked to the shop later in the day. The supermarket was packed. It was like a Saturday with people filling the aisles and getting in the way without worrying that others were trying to squeeze through. Don’t people work anymore (says I!)? I guess it is school holiday time so perhaps a lot of people have taken the time off to spend with their kids?

Came home and had a cup of tea with my father who had called in, fixed a blind in my bedroom I thought I had broken and I am now thinking what I may have for dinner. Exciting times!

I was thinking about what I may write in my post today as I was overdue to post and I got to thinking about life after death. I can already imagine some of you rolling your eyes and thinking, “What is he on about?” I don’t believe there is an afterlife or anything that continues on after death, but I hope I am wrong. Of course we all stop the clock at some point, the only thing we can be sure of in life so I guess we all like to think that it isn’t the end, that all this drama we have been through must mean something? There must be more? Yes? No?

Linda said to me some time ago that she would miss me when she was gone. I considered it for a moment and said that I think there was only two options. One is that the lights go out, your conscience dies and that’s it. Or you go to a better place where nothing that has happened on earth to you in your physical form matters anymore and you will be happy for eternity. She seemed satisfied with the answer.

After my sister passed away in January 2022 some odd things started to happen around my house. The television in my bedroom started to flick on and off at night. A little disconcerting. A little pop would wake me about 2am in the morning and the television would be glowing. Nothing was on the screen it would just…..turn on! Then after a few minutes it would turn itself off again. This happened quite a few times, so I turned it off at the switch. I still have it turned off at the switch to this day. I flick the switch to watch it and flick the switch off when I am done. No surprises in the middle of the night for me please!

Around the same time Aidan had quite a few toys in the spare room. There was one particular toy that was on wheels with a handle that used to play music when you pushed buttons on the front. One night, after I had gone to bed, quite late, I was awoken by music playing somewhere in the house. Lullabies. I got up and found the music was coming from this toy in the spare room. Trouble was that it had no off button. It was playing by itself! I took it down to the garage and later threw it out.

And of course, there is no pretty denouement to this story as not long after that all the photos in the hallway had decided to hang themselves off centre, tilting this way and that which certainly got me thinking. I am sure there is a perfectly logical reason for these things to be happening, and I still don’t believe in spirits, but I did say a little prayer to Jo and ask her if she could just stop it, I got the message and appreciated it. I haven’t had any trouble since!

Since Linda passed, I haven’t had a tick or a whisper. No lights flicking on and off. No candles flickering. Just silence. I guess I was hoping for something, acknowledgement that she is still watching over me. Looking out for me. That somewhere out there she still exists in some form and knows how much I miss her and how I hate having to be an adult by myself. But that is ok.

Linda didn’t die with too many regrets. There was nothing left unsaid. She didn’t want to go but she wasn’t scared. She was ready to face death and stare it down. She was content. No need to come back and haunt us.

Which brings me to my other thought. I seem to be going around in circles with my posts since Linda died. Her journey was the reason I kept my blog regular. I don’t seem to have any great insight anymore, no story to tell. Just the same thing every time. If you are happy to hear that, all good. Let me know. Otherwise, my input will drop off from here. I will just blog when I feel like it. Try to make sense of this laborious life as I live it.

Thank you if you have gotten to the end of this strange notation. I will be back. And I am doing okay.

Until next time.